Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
