Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
