At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
