Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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