I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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