I wanna passion pit in your ass
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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