Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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