You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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