brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
