But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
