Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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