is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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