I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
