Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
