don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
