She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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