remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
