what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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