I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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