At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
