fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
