omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We are all done wearing pants today
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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