Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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