My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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