She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
