Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
