Tell her she can't have a vagina
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There's even glitter on my cock...
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