he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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