I forgot how hot balto sounded
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
