I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
