I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
