Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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