I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
