Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
