There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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