hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
