Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Everyone says I win the strip club
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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