Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
