I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
