sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
