Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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