my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
