he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Congratulations! We have a period
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