I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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