Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
