It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
