People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
