I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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