it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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