If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
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