the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
