Barsexuality is the new black.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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