R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
