i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
