The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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