So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
