the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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