All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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