I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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