I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
