Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
