; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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