Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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