So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I need to align my fucking chakras
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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