hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
