Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
They took my balls.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
