Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
