I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Randomize
