Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
