Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
