Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
