I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
