Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you didnt know i had herpes?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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