Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
third nipple confirmed
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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