Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
