i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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